This morning, ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jaylake posted another one of his cancer nitty-gritty TMI posts...this one about, as he puts it, digestive health.
A few friends have already posted responses and personal information of their own--those things we all wished we had known but nobody writes about publicly. I said, "Well, I should write about what happens after a hysterectomy."
jaylake said, "Have I started a movement?" Followed immediately by, "I can't believe I said that!"
Once I picked myself up off the floor laughing, I thought, Yeah, I should post that. So my TMI below, cut for those who don't want to hear about bloooooood:
( Blooooood..... )
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Drove back down to the Witchnest this morning, where jaylake and the_child were already ensconced (though somehow they’d neglected to turn on the heat, and were sitting around shivering in sweaters). Mom, Stepdad, and Auntie followed a few hours later, and we all had a nice lunch out in the neighborhood, followed by an adventuresome walk in the Haight (plus bonus! rain). Then our three elders hied off to yet another party/family gathering, while we young’uns lazed around, napped, and were generally slothful. And I had pie for dinner. Yep. Pie. And ice cream. My half-brother is doing incredibly well–I phoned to check on him when I got home, and he answered! Which, since he basically wasn’t talking all week since the initial surgery, is progress indeed. So, maybe we’re out of the woods there. Hope so. What a Christmas ordeal… Poor guy. And now, since it’s been like an hour since I’ve stretched out on the bed with a book, I’m off to do just that.  Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Here I am, enjoying the lovely new wireless internet at La Casa de Mi Madre (y Step-Padre). Woo hoo! Writing from the living room! Other things going on in this very room right now: A Christmas Story on TV; narration about same; comparing of the various schedules that Mom and I created for the upcoming few weeks; my auntie reviewing the Fay Weldon book she bought after she met Ms. Weldon on the street in Italy; discussing our now-defunct family tradition of passing the Jack Daniels bottle around on Christmas morning; and, most excitingly, I am typing all this without a bandage on my left index finger. Wow. {and, jaylake just popped into chat, so I am also chatting with him as I post. Tech. yep. Busy busy!} We are quite full of pizza, and red wine, and Christmas cookies. Le yum. We’ve compared new technology (computers, i-things, the diagram of the devices being controlled by the new wireless, a multimedia slide show of old family slides), but there will be a whole new round of that tomorrow, when my brother and dad get here, I predict… And that’s pretty much all the news from here! Merry Christmas, everyone, if you do that kind of thing. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Flew back to SFO today, returned to the Witchnest. I do love coming home, though it means leaving jaylake behind (for a few days at least). Oh, life. Why do you have to be so complicated? __________ This will be disjointed, because I am full of small thoughts, and I got up at 4am to make the very early flight, which was only a little bit late, and made up the time in the air, which, how is it that they can do that, and why don’t they always do that? __________ After I landed, I went straight out for errands and groceries before I even drove to the nest, which made me feel So Very Accomplished. Then I went straight up to Ye Olde Day Jobbe and *finished* (for some value of “finished”) the freelance project for Boss Man, which, yay! Now I have all day tomorrow to do all those other things I have to do…you know, like Christmas shopping and stuff. For my friends–because my family, most wisely, gave up on Christmas gift exchanges years ago. ___________ My building, with 12 apartments, shares one washer and one drier. I lost the Laundry Wars this afternoon/evening: it took me four hours to get one load through.  ____________ But my time wasn’t wasted. I had a lovely talk with my dad, as I called him for his birthday (happy birthday again, Dad!). We will see each other on Christmas, but there will be many people there, including my fascinating aunt from Italy, so it was cool to talk one-to-one. _____________ That’s about all I got for now (see above re. getting up at 4am…) Happy solstice everyone!
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ETA: Oh and I "edited" two chapters of Demonhead! Though, the book is totally needing more work the deeper I get into it, and I am marking things like "fix this" and "go back and check that" and "take tour of SF City Hall" and "fly to Bangkok" and the like as I go... -) Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Back, briefly, at Nuevo Rancho Lake. I leave many hours prior to the crack of dawn tomorrow for SFO and the Witchnest….and then some more free lancery and some Christmas prep. Seattle was so much fun, even if the drives up and back were rain-drenched and white-knuckle-driving-ish. tbclone47's birthday party was a blast... it was the first time for me that I've been in such a large group of writerly folks and I knew nearly all of them. I will forget many names, I know, so please forgive. But, briefly... I had a great time talking to criada; it was wonderful to see shelly_rae again, and to meet her cats later; it was also fantastic to get caught up with markferrari again; kenscholes and jensfire were there with the wonder twins; I sat with jkoke and karawynn and had fun and silly conversations; bravado111 gave us an ARC of Black Blade Blues, and Mrs. bravado111 had the day's best hat; jackwilliambell helped round out the superabundance of Jacks at our table; and scarlettina took embarrassing pictures to document it all.
tbclone47 had jaylake give a brief discussion of his novella The Specific Gravity of Grief, which Fairwood Press will be bringing out soon; he had a mockup of the cover art on display, which is gorgeous, utterly gorgeous, and very moving. And I say that with no bias whatsoever. Nope. What a year it’s been. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Early morning at Nuevo Rancho Lake, preparing to drive up to Seattle environs for tbclone47’s party, and more festivities to follow…I will bring my computer, but no promises that I will get back to it for any further posting today. I might be having JUST TOO MUCH FUN. jaylake and I had a lovely hour-long walk in the rain and dark, talking about life and everything…he is now sitting in his chair working on a long thoughtful post. Me, I have not so much the deep thoughts this morning. And that’s fine. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Safe in Portland, had lunch, getting settled in here at Nuevo Rancho Lake. Someone has tidied up; someone has baked an apple pie. Who, oh who? (thanks shelly_rae! Yum!) jaylake was so thrilled to see me that he has had to go lie down.  No, seriously, he is just taking a little nap before we get on to the rest of our festivities–a walk, his first shower since Wednesday’s procedure (which may be a challenge with this bandaged finger, but we will prevail!), and then a family party this evening. So I thought I might as well blog now, since I probably won’t get another chance. Tomorrow we’re up to Seattle; Sunday back here; Monday I fly back home. Go go go! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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I fly to Portland tomorrow morning…somehow it feels like forever since I’ve been there. Heh. I think I’m all packed, except for the morning stuff. Otherwise, busy productive day–went to yoga, did two more chapters of Demonhead, did four hours of freelance stuff (up at the old office–it sure is funny going to work there), emailed people all over the world. Talked to jaylake a long while, he is doing very well, for feeling as physically crappy as he does. We’re all learning so much through all this. You know? ____________ Not much more to say…my finger is still bandaged, so it’s hard to type. It doesn’t hurt at all, but the slice is so near the tip, I don’t want to take the bandage off. It’ll catch on something and start bleeding all over again, and I just don’t want to go there. I am reminded of the time when I was 11 or 12, at home alone at my dad’s house way out in the country, and was running up a set of stairs made from old railroad ties. Going full speed ahead, I stubbed my big toe so hard, all the flesh on the end of it just popped off, hanging on by only a tiny flap of skin. Horrified, panicked, I slapped it back on and bandaged it hard, tight, and then didn’t look at it again for like a week. It grew back together. Not even a scar. Yay, bodies and their healing power. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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So I bought these wonderful new kitchen knives recently. Wow, I don’t have to say anything more, do I? You know *exactly* where this is going. Which is good, because it’s really hard to type with the bandage. __________ Despite all that, today was better than yesterday. I slept well, and late, it being a New Moon (and therefore no Ashtanga); edited two chapters of Demonhead (and by “edited” I actually mean “went through the printout marking places that need editing when I do this again on the computer”); got a pedicure; did not solve the freelance problem but went up to the Former Day Jobbe and worked on it there (where I found that they had not closed out any of my accounts or given away my office or anything…heh); and then had a lovely dinner cooked for me here by the_ogre (rescheduled from last night)–OMG the deliciousness. Even with all the blood. Ahem. ____________ And jaylake’s procedure went fine, as we knew it would; he was home resting when I talked to him, preparing to go out and have his hair washed. Washed clean of blood. Today’s post is all about blood, isn’t it? Sorry. Some days are just like that, I guess. _____________ And that’s enough typing, without my left index finger. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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jaylake had a hard day yesterday. I was strong and capable and understanding and encouraging and sweet. Today he feels better. Today, I got the mood. I have no history of depression, and that isn’t what’s going on with me now. I know what depression looks like; I lived with a loved one with it, for years. It’s not what happens to me. I am positive and cheerful and upbeat and optimistic, generally. I mean, not to a fault–I react to circumstances like anyone else, and everyone knows that there’s hard stuff going on these days. I get in bad moods. And things get me down. And all that. But today was just crappy. Nothing worked. I’m tired, low energy, hungry all the time; the freelance work I was trying to do (that Former Boss Man is eager for) is just Not Working; the sky is gray; everything is just sideways. And, after I pulled it all together and edited three chapters of Demonhead and went to the store for dinner…my evening plans canceled. Which, meh, although I understood why, and there are no hard feelings, and it would have been foolish to go ahead with them under the circumstances, but….. well, it would have been nice to be cooked for. So I will drink this wine and go to sleep early, and tomorrow will be another day, a better day. jaylake has his port implant procedure tomorrow; I still feel like I should be there, although we talked it over at length and decided it made more sense for me to go up on the weekend instead. But, I feel very far away. From everything. You know? Meh. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Or, rather, it was the first day since leaving my job that I actually had the sort of “normal” day that I’ve expected, envisioned, planned for. As in: woke up at 5:30, went to yoga; did morning email and internettery; wrote a bit on project A (a short story with a Very Cool Collaborator); edited a chapter of project B (Demonhead); did some research for a freelance job; went for a nice walk up Buena Vista hill; talked with jaylake; did some reading, crit work, and more internettery; talked with markferrari; and now this and then bed. All unrushed, unhurried; all very satisfying. And, let me just say again: I wrote! It felt so satisfying, I cannot tell you. I have no idea if it was any good or not–but, I wrote! It’s been far too long. More tomorrow! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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I swear, more of today was taken up with figuring out the schedule between Christmas and mid-January than anything else. Well, it didn’t help that I woke up with a horrible headache and the shivering chills, and maldigestion, so that I was certain I had come down with some deathly flu, even though I’ve had every flu shot known to man. Anyway, after a long sleep-in, turning on the heat in the apartment, some Advil, caffeine, calories, and a shower, I felt much better. I’m forced to conclude that, as the maldigestion has been going on for a few days, the dehydration caused by that, in combination with, er, last night’s really very modest glass of gin, created the unhappy problem. Be that as it may. So I turned my attention to trying to figure out how to organize picking up, driving around, and visiting with my aunt from Italy (and her Very Large Suitcase); Christmas at my mom’s; jaylake and the_child visiting; me going to Portland for the start of chemo; my aunt renting a small cabin at Sea Ranch after Christmas; a holiday get-together with a separate branch of the family; and about fourteen other smaller pieces of the puzzle that we fit in as best we could. Between a handwritten day-by-day flow chart, two phone calls with jaylake, and three with my mom, I think we’ve got it. Whew. So now it’s 7pm, and that’s my biggest accomplishment of the day…I’ll be off to the airport in a bit to pick up Mark, whose flight is delayed, alas, which will make it a very late night indeed. Good thing I slept in! Maybe I’ll write tomorrow. I remember writing. I think I kinda liked it. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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It’s nice to be back home. Today was all about getting things done–watered and fed the orchids (and apologized to them for being gone so long, and for how cold it is) (relatively speaking–it actually feels fine to me, compared to 17 degrees in Portland, but what do orchids know?); bought groceries; checked the PO box and paid bills; unpacked; sorted and dealt and organized and all manner of boring but very necessary and satisfying things. Oh, there is still more to do–much more! I have to do laundry. I have to update my website. The apartment is not really all that clean. I haven’t even begun to look at my various writing projects. But…I feel a good sense of accomplishment anyway. When it really hit me–well, here’s how it went: I set the alarm and got up at 5:30 to go to yoga as per usual. I got home from yoga, had breakfast and coffee, and started fiddling with the interwebs, all as per usual. And when it got to be 9:45 and I hadn’t rushed off to the shower, much less run up the hill to the office: that’s when it hit me, that’s when I realized, Oh, I don’t have to go to work. Ha! Lovely. And I get to do it all over again tomorrow! _____________ Am planning further trips north, of course. I’ve already bought tickets for the weekend of the 18th, and I’ll certainly be up there for jaylake’s first chemo in early January. I think I won’t risk driving again, not in the dead of winter–I feel like I got pretty lucky with yesterday’s drive. Plus, meh. I am now officially tired of 11-hour drives. Ask me again after my next FlightFail, though. There will probably be a different answer…. (sigh) Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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jaylake writes of them here. And…folks are here visiting now, so this is brief–just wanted to get it out there. And I have to pack and get ready for a long (cold!) drive tomorrow…so, don’t expect to hear a whole lot from me for the next little while. At least we have a plan and a schedule. Pretty much. Onward… Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Took hisjaylakeness out in the world today, in the car–well, not the Witchmobile, which would be a challenge; but a different, more reasonable conveyance. (And this, of course, after another hour-long walk.) We went to a video store, and then out to dinner.
 Looks pretty normal, don’t you think? _______________ Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon for the post-op follow-up, and then the oncologist for the “What’s Next” discussion. Needless to say, there’s some angst and anticipation there. Not much to be done but wait for it…then we will know the deal, and can plan from there. shelly_rae comes down about mid-day; then I leave for points south at OMG-thirty Tuesday morning. Hoping to dodge deadly weather as I go… That’s all I know for now. More tomorrow! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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I just finished proofing the galleys of Pinion…brought tears to my eyes. Again. You’re all in for a treat. Next year. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Went music shopping today. Actually I *didn’t* buy that song, what’s in the title of this post, but it’s what’s running through my head, so there you go. Each days gets better–jaylake feels better, has more energy, does more stuff. And today I set out driving by myself, with written directions that were nearly flawless, except for the no-left-turn part that sent me across a BRIDGE. Which, coming from the Bay Area, that’s a big deal, involving twenty miles and a toll; here it was–okay, some annoyance, with the alternating no-left-turn, no-turns-at-all nonsense, but one quick illegal U-turn and I was back on track a few minutes later. One thing we did do was lose the master to-do list. I have no earthly idea where it is. We’ve torn this place apart…it’s gone. So we re-created it, mostly, probably, I hope, I think…and I did a number of things on it….but, I’m wondering if it’ll turn up, or if it’s just gone. Weird. I mean, there’s ten thousand other random pieces of paper around here. But that was the Master List of Organizational Memory for People On Drugs and Sleep Deprivation. Gah. After I got back from errands (and lost-getting, and music-shopping), e_bourne came by for a nice visit, and then I drove her to the airport–so, two outings in one day for me! Gosh, I feel almost like a normal person. Weird. And so to bed… More adventures tomorrow! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Oh man it’s cold today. We went for our usual two walks (people recovering from surgery Must Walk) and OMG, they were torture. Compounded by the most ridiculous fact that I most ridiculously forgot to bring a jacket. Yes, I meant to; yes, I understand that it’s December and it’s Oregon and etc etc; I just forgot. I walked out of the Witchnest at 6am on the morning of the 22nd and forgot to bring a jacket. So sue me. Apparently didn’t bring a scarf or a hat either. But I did bring gloves! Anyway. Today was a good day. Not a lot happened, in a dramatic-stories sort of way. kenscholes came down for lunch, which was delightful. jaylake slept less, deliberately; the meds are hitting him less hard, I think. His swelling around the incision site is bothering him more, which I think is a measure of progress, meaning the nerves are re-knitting–because it looks no worse, it is healing nicely. We finished the Lord of the Rings movies, and I made a bit more progress proofreading Pinion (though I have a ways to go, and it’s already late!). More later this evening, I hope. And even more pleasingly, we’ve had a series of long and intellectual conversations about everything–which is what we usually do, and which has been a little thin on the ground lately, for obvious reasons. ______________ Sunday when jaylake came home from the hospital, kylecassidy and circle23 came by and took some photos. jaylake posted this one this morning, as his Zen photo. And then the whole set. I live in interesting times. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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jaylake: Can you believe it says "for rectal use only" on the box of suppositories?
calendula_witch: Well, "suppository" is a big word. Maybe people needed it spelled out.
jaylake: But come on! It's a box of suppositories!
calendula_witch: Of course, "rectal" is kind of a big word too. The warning should say, "Stick this in your butt, not your mouth."
jaylake: "Don't eat it."
calendula_witch: [sips her wine, tries to remove unfortunate images from brain]
jaylake: "This medicine tastes like shit. Oh wait..."
calendula_witch: [grimaces, tries to concentrates on reading her flist and answering long overdue email, is sorry she even responded in the first place because she really does know better]
jaylake: Okay, cover me, I'm going in.
calendula_witch: [gives up, posts about it]
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Funny how when things are really hard, one can hold it all together and carry on. It’s when it eases up that there’s finally room to…well, not hold it all together. jaylake is doing better every day–less pain, more lucidity, longer times awake and functioning. I mean, he’s far from well, of course; but improving steadily. So last night I sort of hit the wall…sorry to not post, but you wouldn’t have wanted to hear about it. :-/ Probably once I catch up on more of my sleep, this will get easier. But that will take a while. I got really short. Chronically short. Well, onward! Trying some yoga now. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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contemplative
sleepy
full
busy
cheerful
crappy