Drove back down to the Witchnest this morning, where ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) jaylake and the_child were already ensconced (though somehow they’d neglected to turn on the heat, and were sitting around shivering in sweaters). Mom, Stepdad, and Auntie followed a few hours later, and we all had a nice lunch out in the neighborhood, followed by an adventuresome walk in the Haight (plus bonus! rain). Then our three elders hied off to yet another party/family gathering, while we young’uns lazed around, napped, and were generally slothful. And I had pie for dinner. Yep. Pie. And ice cream. My half-brother is doing incredibly well–I phoned to check on him when I got home, and he answered! Which, since he basically wasn’t talking all week since the initial surgery, is progress indeed. So, maybe we’re out of the woods there. Hope so. What a Christmas ordeal… Poor guy. And now, since it’s been like an hour since I’ve stretched out on the bed with a book, I’m off to do just that.  Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Here I am, enjoying the lovely new wireless internet at La Casa de Mi Madre (y Step-Padre). Woo hoo! Writing from the living room! Other things going on in this very room right now: A Christmas Story on TV; narration about same; comparing of the various schedules that Mom and I created for the upcoming few weeks; my auntie reviewing the Fay Weldon book she bought after she met Ms. Weldon on the street in Italy; discussing our now-defunct family tradition of passing the Jack Daniels bottle around on Christmas morning; and, most excitingly, I am typing all this without a bandage on my left index finger. Wow. {and, jaylake just popped into chat, so I am also chatting with him as I post. Tech. yep. Busy busy!} We are quite full of pizza, and red wine, and Christmas cookies. Le yum. We’ve compared new technology (computers, i-things, the diagram of the devices being controlled by the new wireless, a multimedia slide show of old family slides), but there will be a whole new round of that tomorrow, when my brother and dad get here, I predict… And that’s pretty much all the news from here! Merry Christmas, everyone, if you do that kind of thing. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Aunt retrieved from airport: check Returned to nest with her: check Last-minute freelance work accomplished: check Dinner, delicious and home-cooked by an excellent Italian chef: check Car exchange with the_ogre, both directions: check Packing for Points North: um….. Well, we don’t have to leave till tomorrow morning… Anyway, if the blog goes dark for a day or two, I know nobody will worry. Right? Good. Then again, my mom just got wireless at her house, so, maybe I will post! Just for the novelty of it! Happy Dark Winter Feast Days, everyone… Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Flew back to SFO today, returned to the Witchnest. I do love coming home, though it means leaving jaylake behind (for a few days at least). Oh, life. Why do you have to be so complicated? __________ This will be disjointed, because I am full of small thoughts, and I got up at 4am to make the very early flight, which was only a little bit late, and made up the time in the air, which, how is it that they can do that, and why don’t they always do that? __________ After I landed, I went straight out for errands and groceries before I even drove to the nest, which made me feel So Very Accomplished. Then I went straight up to Ye Olde Day Jobbe and *finished* (for some value of “finished”) the freelance project for Boss Man, which, yay! Now I have all day tomorrow to do all those other things I have to do…you know, like Christmas shopping and stuff. For my friends–because my family, most wisely, gave up on Christmas gift exchanges years ago. ___________ My building, with 12 apartments, shares one washer and one drier. I lost the Laundry Wars this afternoon/evening: it took me four hours to get one load through.  ____________ But my time wasn’t wasted. I had a lovely talk with my dad, as I called him for his birthday (happy birthday again, Dad!). We will see each other on Christmas, but there will be many people there, including my fascinating aunt from Italy, so it was cool to talk one-to-one. _____________ That’s about all I got for now (see above re. getting up at 4am…) Happy solstice everyone!
_____________
ETA: Oh and I "edited" two chapters of Demonhead! Though, the book is totally needing more work the deeper I get into it, and I am marking things like "fix this" and "go back and check that" and "take tour of SF City Hall" and "fly to Bangkok" and the like as I go... -) Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Back, briefly, at Nuevo Rancho Lake. I leave many hours prior to the crack of dawn tomorrow for SFO and the Witchnest….and then some more free lancery and some Christmas prep. Seattle was so much fun, even if the drives up and back were rain-drenched and white-knuckle-driving-ish. tbclone47's birthday party was a blast... it was the first time for me that I've been in such a large group of writerly folks and I knew nearly all of them. I will forget many names, I know, so please forgive. But, briefly... I had a great time talking to criada; it was wonderful to see shelly_rae again, and to meet her cats later; it was also fantastic to get caught up with markferrari again; kenscholes and jensfire were there with the wonder twins; I sat with jkoke and karawynn and had fun and silly conversations; bravado111 gave us an ARC of Black Blade Blues, and Mrs. bravado111 had the day's best hat; jackwilliambell helped round out the superabundance of Jacks at our table; and scarlettina took embarrassing pictures to document it all.
tbclone47 had jaylake give a brief discussion of his novella The Specific Gravity of Grief, which Fairwood Press will be bringing out soon; he had a mockup of the cover art on display, which is gorgeous, utterly gorgeous, and very moving. And I say that with no bias whatsoever. Nope. What a year it’s been. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Early morning at Nuevo Rancho Lake, preparing to drive up to Seattle environs for tbclone47’s party, and more festivities to follow…I will bring my computer, but no promises that I will get back to it for any further posting today. I might be having JUST TOO MUCH FUN. jaylake and I had a lovely hour-long walk in the rain and dark, talking about life and everything…he is now sitting in his chair working on a long thoughtful post. Me, I have not so much the deep thoughts this morning. And that’s fine. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Safe in Portland, had lunch, getting settled in here at Nuevo Rancho Lake. Someone has tidied up; someone has baked an apple pie. Who, oh who? (thanks shelly_rae! Yum!) jaylake was so thrilled to see me that he has had to go lie down.  No, seriously, he is just taking a little nap before we get on to the rest of our festivities–a walk, his first shower since Wednesday’s procedure (which may be a challenge with this bandaged finger, but we will prevail!), and then a family party this evening. So I thought I might as well blog now, since I probably won’t get another chance. Tomorrow we’re up to Seattle; Sunday back here; Monday I fly back home. Go go go! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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I fly to Portland tomorrow morning…somehow it feels like forever since I’ve been there. Heh. I think I’m all packed, except for the morning stuff. Otherwise, busy productive day–went to yoga, did two more chapters of Demonhead, did four hours of freelance stuff (up at the old office–it sure is funny going to work there), emailed people all over the world. Talked to jaylake a long while, he is doing very well, for feeling as physically crappy as he does. We’re all learning so much through all this. You know? ____________ Not much more to say…my finger is still bandaged, so it’s hard to type. It doesn’t hurt at all, but the slice is so near the tip, I don’t want to take the bandage off. It’ll catch on something and start bleeding all over again, and I just don’t want to go there. I am reminded of the time when I was 11 or 12, at home alone at my dad’s house way out in the country, and was running up a set of stairs made from old railroad ties. Going full speed ahead, I stubbed my big toe so hard, all the flesh on the end of it just popped off, hanging on by only a tiny flap of skin. Horrified, panicked, I slapped it back on and bandaged it hard, tight, and then didn’t look at it again for like a week. It grew back together. Not even a scar. Yay, bodies and their healing power. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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I swear, more of today was taken up with figuring out the schedule between Christmas and mid-January than anything else. Well, it didn’t help that I woke up with a horrible headache and the shivering chills, and maldigestion, so that I was certain I had come down with some deathly flu, even though I’ve had every flu shot known to man. Anyway, after a long sleep-in, turning on the heat in the apartment, some Advil, caffeine, calories, and a shower, I felt much better. I’m forced to conclude that, as the maldigestion has been going on for a few days, the dehydration caused by that, in combination with, er, last night’s really very modest glass of gin, created the unhappy problem. Be that as it may. So I turned my attention to trying to figure out how to organize picking up, driving around, and visiting with my aunt from Italy (and her Very Large Suitcase); Christmas at my mom’s; jaylake and the_child visiting; me going to Portland for the start of chemo; my aunt renting a small cabin at Sea Ranch after Christmas; a holiday get-together with a separate branch of the family; and about fourteen other smaller pieces of the puzzle that we fit in as best we could. Between a handwritten day-by-day flow chart, two phone calls with jaylake, and three with my mom, I think we’ve got it. Whew. So now it’s 7pm, and that’s my biggest accomplishment of the day…I’ll be off to the airport in a bit to pick up Mark, whose flight is delayed, alas, which will make it a very late night indeed. Good thing I slept in! Maybe I’ll write tomorrow. I remember writing. I think I kinda liked it. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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It’s nice to be back home. Today was all about getting things done–watered and fed the orchids (and apologized to them for being gone so long, and for how cold it is) (relatively speaking–it actually feels fine to me, compared to 17 degrees in Portland, but what do orchids know?); bought groceries; checked the PO box and paid bills; unpacked; sorted and dealt and organized and all manner of boring but very necessary and satisfying things. Oh, there is still more to do–much more! I have to do laundry. I have to update my website. The apartment is not really all that clean. I haven’t even begun to look at my various writing projects. But…I feel a good sense of accomplishment anyway. When it really hit me–well, here’s how it went: I set the alarm and got up at 5:30 to go to yoga as per usual. I got home from yoga, had breakfast and coffee, and started fiddling with the interwebs, all as per usual. And when it got to be 9:45 and I hadn’t rushed off to the shower, much less run up the hill to the office: that’s when it hit me, that’s when I realized, Oh, I don’t have to go to work. Ha! Lovely. And I get to do it all over again tomorrow! _____________ Am planning further trips north, of course. I’ve already bought tickets for the weekend of the 18th, and I’ll certainly be up there for jaylake’s first chemo in early January. I think I won’t risk driving again, not in the dead of winter–I feel like I got pretty lucky with yesterday’s drive. Plus, meh. I am now officially tired of 11-hour drives. Ask me again after my next FlightFail, though. There will probably be a different answer…. (sigh) Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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In my head, round about Vallejo:
“The sun is riz
The sun is set
And here I is
Driving yet.” ____________ 
Mt. Shasta, from the rest area just north of Weed
_____________ Today’s play list: Pink Floyd, Ummagumma *
Neil Young, After the Gold Rush
Santana, Abraxas
Soundtrack: The Blues Brothers
The Alan Parsons Project, The Turn of a Friendly Card
Talking Heads, Speaking in Tongues
Led Zeppelin, Physical Graffiti (disk one only, due to I spaced that there were two)
Soundtrack: Twin Peaks Fire Walk with Me
Neil Young, Harvest
The Rolling Stones, Beggars Banquet
Led Zeppelin, I {zeppelin cover}
Nirvana, Nevermind
Pink Floyd, Wish You Were Here _____________
* The second (studio) CD is not very suitable driving music. ____________ Dear Other Drivers: Okay, I get that you are going to use me as a pace car, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Fine. But could you please at least pay attention and not box me out in the slow lane behind a semi? Thanks. Dear Guy in the White Truck: I don’t care how long you paced me, I am not going to follow you into a rest area. Sorry. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Last night, as I was finishing up packing at Nuevo Rancho Lake and getting ready to go to bed so I could get up this morning at the crack of crack and drive 650 miles home to the Witchnest after being gone for over two weeks, I checked my email and found the final agent rejection for Nightcraft Mother. It’s the final rejection because I’m not going to send out Nightcraft any more. And I’m not going to work on it any more, and I’m not even all that interested in thinking about it any more. I had a lot of time, alone in my head today for 11 hours, to think about this. I’ve been working on the tales of Calendula Isadora for five years now–I started the original, 250K version of Nightcraft Sister in the fall of 2004. Yes, I’ve written a whole bunch of other things in that five years as well–including a handful of other novels–so it’s not like it’s been all Nightcraft, all the time; but this has been my sort of basic, core project. Callie’s story is fully formed in my head, the whole series, all the way to the end–the five or six or seven books it would take to tell it all. They’re not going to get written. I’m done. I’m sick of this. It’s just not hitting, for some reason. And/or I’m just not a good enough writer to pull it off. And/or I’m a better writer now and my fresher, newer stuff will sell. (I do get short stories published, in major markets…) And/or it’s just tough to break in. Or whatever. But I just don’t feel the love for the project any more. I’ve worked so hard on it, revised it so many times–cut that first book into three, and then two; dropped the first half and made NCM the first in the series; edited it within an inch of its life–it’s too hacked up now, it’s been gone over too much, I think. It’s time to let it go. Time to let Callie go. __________ I don’t usually post about rejections, because it’s tough stuff, and also so common. To everyone, I know. But this one is different. I had a lot of excitement about this particular agent, about this particular version of the manuscript. And her rejection was very kind, and very detailed; she pointed out several areas where the book could be improved, and offered to take another look if I edit it. But… I can’t. I’m done. I can’t climb that mountain again. I’ll send her Demonhead, when I’m done editing that. Callie’s going on the shelf. Sorry, Callie. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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jaylake writes of them here. And…folks are here visiting now, so this is brief–just wanted to get it out there. And I have to pack and get ready for a long (cold!) drive tomorrow…so, don’t expect to hear a whole lot from me for the next little while. At least we have a plan and a schedule. Pretty much. Onward… Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Took hisjaylakeness out in the world today, in the car–well, not the Witchmobile, which would be a challenge; but a different, more reasonable conveyance. (And this, of course, after another hour-long walk.) We went to a video store, and then out to dinner.
 Looks pretty normal, don’t you think? _______________ Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon for the post-op follow-up, and then the oncologist for the “What’s Next” discussion. Needless to say, there’s some angst and anticipation there. Not much to be done but wait for it…then we will know the deal, and can plan from there. shelly_rae comes down about mid-day; then I leave for points south at OMG-thirty Tuesday morning. Hoping to dodge deadly weather as I go… That’s all I know for now. More tomorrow! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Am safe at Nuevo Rancho Lake after a really, really successfully uneventful drive from the Witchnest. Just, well, LONG. There was snow–lots of it–around on the ground at the pass, but nothing on the road. There lots of rain, in little spatters and deluges, and LOTS of rainbows–some so sharp and incredible that I wished I wasn’t going 70 miles an hour and could take photos. And rainbows on the road, like, driving through them. Way cool. Lessons learned from before, and small notes: -I packed a lunch, and saved many many minutes, some dollars, and lots of fuss. -I need to find a music store before I go home; I need more CDs, since my foolish car will not play the iPod thingie. -I hate it when people use me as a pace car. Speaking of music, here be the playlist. I continued the tradition of starting and ending with Pink Floyd: Pink Floyd, The Wall
Gnarls Barkley, St. Elsewhere
Nirvana, Unplugged in New York
soundtrack: The Singing Detective [BBC musical, 1987]
Tindersticks, soundtrack: Nenette et Boni, par Tindersticks
Fleetwood Mac, Then Play On
Faith No More, The Real Thing
Camper Van Beethoven, Our Beloved Revolutionary Sweetheart
pseudo-soundtrack: The Other Side of the The Singing Detective (B sides from the previous; I got bored with it and ejected 3/4 through, even though it does contain “Java Jive” by the Ink Spots)
Pink Floyd, Meddle
Pink Floyd, The Piper at the Gates of Dawn And that is all for now! Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Last day in the office yesterday…it is still not really hitting me. I don’t think it will until I get *back* from Portland in a few weeks, and get up in the morning, and don’t go to work. I am very much looking forward to that feeling. Because right now, the feeling is more like: OMG it’s 5:00 and I haven’t even started packing, and I haven’t gotten the orchids into the sink, or taken the trash out, or even thought about dinner, or or or or…. But what I did do: I procured chains for the Witchmobile, and learned how to put them on. In fact I rather showed the man how to show me how to put them on, because he was so obviously doing it wrong. So I feel good about that. And now they’re in my trunk, and I hope I never have to look at them again. Because, annoying as it was to fiddle with them in the tire shop, I can easily see how very much more annoying it would be to fiddle with them in the dark-wet-cold-snowy-filthy-roadside when they become necessary. ____________ Dept. of Small Victories: I returned from my errands, hoping for a parking spot right out front, due to packing car at 6am tomorrow with many loads of stuff. No parking spot. So, magical thinking engaged, and I thought, If I drive the 4 blocks up to campus and get the rest of my office-stuff I could not carry home yesterday (that I was going to walk up and get today), then when I come back, there will be parking. So I did, and so there was: a car pulled out right out front just as I returned. Win!!! ______________ And, Oooh Oooh! Look what I found when I checked the mail!!! 
Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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2 more days. There’s too much going on to even write about it. Things got better, at the Day Jobbe; then they sort of got worse again; but, it’s two days! Whatever, I can deal. jaylake left for Portland today. I’ll be there Sunday. In between: we’ll manage. We always do. I did another chapter of Demonhead. It still doesn’t suck. I did three loads of laundry. And some dishes. And, well, beyond that: I feel like I have nothing intelligent to say. Maybe it’s the not-sleeping. Monday night, I lay awake till about 4am–well, eventually got up and read a while, but yeah, not even sort-of sleeping. (Until after 4am, when I did fall asleep, and had ugly ugly horrid nightmares.) Last night, I fell asleep after only about 45 minutes, but then woke again at 2, till about 4. This is Not Good. Tonight, I hope for better. Stupid brain. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Friends are good. I had a weekend largely away from the computer (as the sharp-eyed of you have undoubtedly noticed…), and I needed it. On Saturday, Mark arrived around noon, full of ideas and stories and good cheer. We shopped and he cooked, and also talked and talked to me about cancer and life and death and hope and faith and friendship and just all sorts of wise things. He fed me some of the best salmon I’ve ever had in my entire life. Sunday morning, he came along and we met Corry for breakfast, before she headed back up to wet, wet Seattle. She told us all about Mile High Con and other adventures as we ate far too much food at Boogaloos. After putting her on BART, I continued to torture the poor Pacific Northwesterner with our stunning weather by taking him for a walk up Buena Vista Park. Then he was off in his car for wet, wet Seattle (though I’ve just received reliable intelligence that he has been spotted in Portland). Got caught up on a few things, then the_ogre came by, with more friend-encouragement and good cheer. Honestly, jaylake has the best friends, and I am so pleased to be welcomed into their midst. Truly. __________ So, as all the details continue to unfold and organize, my own plans have been coming clear. My last “official” day at work will still be December 1, but my last actual day will be November 20th. I will leave on the 22nd to drive to Portland. jaylake’s surgery is the 25th; he’ll be in the hospital into the weekend, most likely. A whole gang of us will camp out at Nuevo Rancho Lake and rotate in and out of the hospital, as much as the authorities will let us. Then I’ll stick around through the following week, doing what is needed for the convalescent. Monday the 7th is the appointment with the oncologist, to discuss what was found in the surgery and the (probable) chemo plan. After that, I will likely drive home on the 8th, though that’s flexible, if things change. So: this is my last two weeks of work! (again…) And I’ve got a ton of things to do, to get ready for all of this. Car things–change oil, get chains, etc. Home things, though I do have helper elves lined up for the orchids already. Work things–stuff to finish up, stuff to hand over to the bosses (yeah there’s no replacement for me yet), bringing home all my personal stuff (art on the walls, etc), destroying evidence leaving the place nice and tidy for the next person. Just general life things, large and small. I probably don’t need to mention that not a lot of writing is getting done. Though I did eke out another few hundred words on the Golden Spider Beetles story on Friday, and, far more importantly, totally found the voice of the story. I think the next writing session will take it to the end…then it’ll just need some spit and polish, and I can send it around to first readers. As for when that writing session will be, I simply do not know… Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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Woke up with a bit of a stomachache this morning. I can’t imagine why. _____________ Actually, I’m a little puzzled as why it all hit me so hard last night. It’s not like there was really any new information yesterday–just a surgery date set. We already knew there would be surgery, and soon; there was no doubt about that. I guess somehow it finally got through to my lizard brain, which suddenly must have realized that Oh noes, something bad is happening to jaylake and people are going to do mean things to him! Aiiieee! Anyway, I feel better this morning. I had weird dreams about needing someone to drive me home to Portland (hmm), then got up and had an excellent yoga practice. Today I need to work out logistics of when I’m leaving my job–looks like my last day will be the 20th, though I’ll still try to keep 12/1 as my “official” end date. Then have to get everything else organized for being gone for a while–orchids tended to, mail, etc. Oh, and must arrange to have my oil changed. And buy tire chains. (And now I am very glad I didn’t buy overpriced airline tickets for Thanksgiving weekend!) And, well, my apartment is gorgeously clean. Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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WOW, am I tired. Four days of nonstop partying networking very seriously with drunken overgrown adolescents* industry movers and shakers really takes it out of a person. I’m sorry, I cannot even begin to describe it. I am still trying to process and remember everything. I halfway wish WFC could be a week long–but then I think it would kill me. When I got home this afternoon, I could barely lift my hands to the keyboard to let jaylake know I’d made it safely up the freeway (as he was stranded in the San Jose airport, boo fail). But oh, such a con it was! It is an unspeakable thrill to meet longtime LJ buddies in real life–and to find out that they are even more wonderful than they seemed on the internet. It is even more wonderful to spend day after day with a thousand people who love genre fiction–FANTASY fiction–who don’t think it’s weird or fringe or wrong or needs explaining or defending in any way. Who think about zombies and vampires and witches and unicorns and demons and fae and magicians in new and fascinating ways. Who are always ready to share a drink and some insight, or just a few laughs. Who leave pink codfish candy in your bed, for you to discover in an intimate moment…okay, maybe that part was less wonderful. Even so. It is some kind of special person who will leave pink codfish candy in your bed, don’t you think? And that’s after the flattened squirrel story, and the strawberry surprise. But enough about that. I am home, I am exhausted, and alas, the real world presses upon us. After Thursday, we will know when jaylake ’s surgery will be… I feel like my universe is holding its breath until then. I have four more weeks of the Day Job. I am trying not to worry about too much, especially the things I cannot control. So a weekend of distractions was deeply pleasing. ______________
*And yes, I DO include myself in that horrible slander…why do you think I’m so tired??? Originally published at Shannon Page: Author. You can comment here or there.
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sleepy
full
busy
cheerful
depressed
awake